i would replace the word 'demise' with something a little less... mortal, if that makes any sense. demise conjures up thoughts surrounding death and pain, where as something less 'human' in nature, say "peaceful end to" or "corrosion", won't sound so threatening.
other than that i think it's great! although, i feel the officers will give it about as much respect as if you sent them a letter that said, "do you like me? yes no <--circle one"